I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
