i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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