We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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