Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
