and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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