one might say we're banned from that church
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
