I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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