You just made me feel so damn special
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
