then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
