loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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