I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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