I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
