My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
