Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
