Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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