I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
