What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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