Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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