So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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