I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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