did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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