It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have post one night stand depression
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
