You can't special order awesome
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
