My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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