I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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