I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
