there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
