so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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