I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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