Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
