I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
