do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
