I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
