Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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