areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
