she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
