if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize