Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
