Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
