I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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