I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
