this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize