I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
