Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
