omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My feet surprised me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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