You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
