There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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