If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
