you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
