i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
