the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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