I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
