Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize