I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
