a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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