Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
