she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
