Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
