You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
