Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
