the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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