alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
