I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
