Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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