I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
