We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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